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As you notice your story about what the feedback means, don’t worry about whether it’s true or false, right or wrong, sensible or crazy; for now, just listen to it.
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170 |
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Our mind takes what was said and immediately tells a story. It’s important to peel back that story and ask yourself, what exactly was the feedback?
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170 |
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So, are you overreacting to the current feedback? Yes and no. Yes, your emotional reaction is out of proportion, and when you calm down you will be able to see that.
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Figuring out what the feedback is actually about, and then doing something about it, takes work, but becomes easier when you realize that you need to work on one or two discrete things, and not everything.
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…when we think about the consequences of feedback, the goal is not to dismiss them or pretend they don’t matter. The goal is to right-size them, to develop a realistic and healthy sense of what might happen and respond…
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Anything that helps you see a dark situation from a different point of view is beneficial.
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Of course, you can also solicit actual advice from a friend. …Some friends are better than others at offering this kind of support, but anyone who’s not you is a good start.
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The ability to laugh at yourself is also an indicator that you are ready and able to take feedback. Laughing at yourself requires you to loosen your grip on your identity.
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Others’ views of you may be incomplete, outdated, unfair, and based on absolutely nothing.
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We can become obsessed with the desire to get others to admit they are wrong… No matter how wrong and unfair their view of you might be, you can’t control what others think.
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